Life changes can be hard... or easy... just depends where your head is at....

Ok so I've had a really bad couple of weeks for the most part between work and one of my friends who I adore moving 5 hours away in a couple of weeks. I was really feeling sorry for myself until tonight. I went and visited with my friend who is moving and she seemed truly happy to be doing it. Which made me realize... What makes ME happy? I was happy to see my dad and was glad he supported me in my endeavors. And now that he's gone I really miss that kind of support. Yes I have my friends but they all have kids and since school is back in session they are all pretty busy with that. I don't know what I'm going to do yet and will be talking to my parents once they come back from their trip in New Mexico.

For the first time in a while I'm excited about what the future holds. Now I'm just nervous that I won't find a job so the job search begins!!

My past week has been a turning point I've been looking for!

Ok so I went to the doctor this week and after crying to her about being depressed and other things that have been plaguing me these last few months I feel so much better and have a better outlook on life! My doctor (who I just met but she is so knowledgeable whereas some docs I've seen in the past have not been IMO), said that perhaps alot of my problems are steming from my unhealthy eating habits. She said they could all be connected. I'm getting bloodwork done to see if I may have diabetes and also PCOS. I've had abnormal periods for as far as I can remember unless I was on the pill. So getting back on the pill is a Godsend for me. I am also taking Wellbutrin to help with my depression. My mom was none too pleased about that because she's afraid I will become dependent on them or something and turn out like my cousin who has a lot of mental issues. I, on the other hand, am pleased with it so far and it seems to be working and getting me out of my funk. I'm focusing on nutrition and exercise right now to see if some of the ailments I may have may go away as I lose weight. Then I can focus on other things like getting a better job and so on...

Another thing I was happy about was being able to spend time with my two best friends. I hadn't seen Anitra in almost a month and Tera I've only seen once or twice since my birthday. It was nice to spend a day with them and their kids. Very refreshing. Then my dad called last night while on his "driving cross country tour" and said that instead of staying one night he's going to stay two and hoping to get a new bed for me because right now I'm sleeping on a futon and it's affecting my sleep I think. Anyway, I hope the rest of the summer works out much like this week did. :) Can't wait to see what the future brings!

Pottermania has set in!

I can't believe it! It's all coming to an end! *sniff sniff* You either love or hate Harry Potter series but you have to admit it's been a worldwide phenomenon... I love both this series and the Twilight series but I've grown up with Harry these past 10+ years and have really enjoyed everything about the franchise. I preordered my tickets to the 3D show for Saturday and I'm sooo excited! The finality of it all makes me sad though. The movie posters with IT. ALL. ENDS. just makes me sad because Dan, Emma, and Rupert, will forever be Harry, Hermione, and Ron. I have been having marathons of the last 3 Harry Potter movies (I loved the 5th and 7th movies and my all time favorite was the Prisoner of Azkaban). I'm a big Ron/Hermione shipper and really wish they had a series of their own at least in books. But for now Im re-reading the 7th book trying to get it finished before Saturday... Wish me luck! And hopefully someday I can read the Harry Potter books to my niece and nephew and get them interested in the series so I can relive it all over again!

Birthday Goodness!!

Well another birthday has come and gone. Had such a good weekend! Celebration started Friday when I went to see Fast Five at the 2 dollar theater! I love this franchise and the cars are always awesome! I wasn't too interested in the 2nd and 3rd installments because Vin Diesel wasn't in them but the other 3 were amazing... Great cars... Great looking guys... Who could ask for more? LOL And this one kinda reminded me of Ocean's Eleven... So even better!

On Saturday I went to the mall with my bestie, Tera. First we went to Lens Crafters to see if I could get my glasses done there. I guess one of my eyes has more of  astigmatism than the other so my lenses have to be pretty thick, which would be fine but it seems that most of the discounted eyewear places won't do them. :( Fortunately LensCrafters could but they had to send off for it so it'll be a few days before I get them...

After going there we went to get our nails done... I got a mani/pedi which was amazing... I love how they massage your arms and legs and make you feel like jello when you're done. It felt amazing!!  We went to El Mezcal for dinner mostly because i LOVE LOVE LOVE their white cheese dip. Simply amazing! Got to spend some quality time with Lindsay, Willie, and Emma with Tera so we got caught up  on what they are doing...

Then for the PARTAAAAAY! Got asked to dance by a couple of guys and didn't have to pay for any drinks!! I had so much fun and the DJ announced my birthday too so that made it special! Was so glad so many friends could make it... Was sad my other bestie Anitra wasn't there but that's what I get for having my birthday near a holiday huh? LOL

BIG BIG thanks to Tera for making my day extra special and to all my friends who helped me celebrate!!! I felt very special on MY day :)... And as a belated birthday present my pool is finally opening tomorrow, July 5th... So let the free fun begin! LOL

Best time of the year!!!

Ok I know how most people hate summer because it's HOT! But I've always loved it! I loved having my birthday right around a holiday. Then I always felt they were shooting off fireworks for me and my birthday... (Yes I was THAT selfish). Also hard to believe that it's been 21 years since Pop died. It was July 1st 1990 right before my 13th birthday and all I could think about was that I wasn't going to have a birthday party that year. (Yes I know but bare with me folks I was a preteen/teenager LOL)... Anyway, the big birthdays were always memorable (13 - Pop died, 16- got lost in Boston with my mom and sister going to visit family friends for a wedding... 18 nothing really happened on my birthday that year but later that school year I broke my ankle taking out trash to the road and ended up being in a wheelchair for prom and graduation... 21 - rode in a hot air balloon with my sister)... So needless to say I, for the most part, have had fun times on my birthday and always enjoy it.

The best present I got for my birthday happened before my birthday in 2007 when I became an aunt for the first time! Sure I was an aunt to friends' kids but this was different. And although Cheri lived in New Mexico I was still so excited when Mom told me that my niece was born. BEST BIRTHDAY EVER! Nila is so full of energy and she and Eli will probably be the closest thing I have to my own kids which is ok, but this week every year I'm so excited to know that Nila and I share something special.. I will be the only aunt she'll have on her mom's side and I can't wait til she gets a few years older so I can share stories of how her mom was as a kid and how I see alot of her mom's personality in her. :)

Being alone vs. Being lonely...

Ok so I've tried to fight it... But I'm getting the case of the lonliness coming on. More and more I seem to be an outsider at work. And then I come home to an empty house and no cable tv so I tend to go get redbox movies since they're cheap. Well usually in the summertime I go to our apartment pool to people watch and just enjoy the time outside. Since they are STILL working on the pool I can't do that just yet. Then I really found out I didn't have a life when I found out the people I hang out with the most both had plans this weekend so I'm scrambling to find something to do so I'm not wallowing in self-pity LOL. I'm sure there will be something to do I just have to look around and see what's out there.

My mom suggested joining some kind of activity to meet new people so I'm not so dependent on the friends I do have. I have no clue where to start for that and am trying to find something I'm interested in that isn't alcohol related...LOL So to keep myself from being too lonely sometimes I go to the mall and people watch or go to the 2 dollar theater to watch a movie just to be around people. Sad I know. I feel like my grandma did when she was alive and didn't have anyone to hang out with. Ugh! I need to get my life together because I'll be 34 in less than 2 weeks!

Frustrations in life...

Ok so I'm a little frustrated with life right now. I really wish I could just drive through the path that God has chosen for me and be happy. I've had so many hurdles to go through and obstacles to overcome I'm just ready for a break. I'm happy that I have family and friends that love me but as the days creep to my 34th birthday in a couple of weeks I wonder is this it? Will I live my life childless and husbandless? I am starting to fear of living alone. After my parents die (not saying they will anytime soon mind you) what will happen to me? I mean I'm seriously freaking out! I work at a temporary job where I get minimal benefits and no retirement. I live in an apartment where I get alot of alone time which is good but what if I get hurt or something and there is no one around. I don't mean to freak anyone out it's just how I feel! I would love to make Kansas my home for life but I feel that as I get older I may either need to live closer to where my sister lives or move back East where most of my family lives. I mean my uncle has made it all these years on his own in Colorado so I'm sure I can handle it but I'm actively searching for another job that would be more permanent and perhaps pay better. I'm at a crossroads again and not sure which way to turn. I just hope God will guide me to my future destinations...