I now know why nice guys finish last...

Ok that phrase of "nice guys finish last" in the dating field isn't because us women like the "bad boys" per se... It's that these nice guys aren't just nice to us but will do anything for their friends at ANY time... My ex-fiance was a "nice guy" but always helped out his kid's mom at the drop of a hat and we always had to rearrange our schedule to fit hers.

Well I feel like it's happening again. I went on a date last night with a guy who I've been dancing with alot at the bar lately. Well our date was at the bar. I know not the most typical setting for a date but whatever. Well anyway, it's the most crowded day of the week and of course he sees alot of his friends there. Unfortunately for me none of my girlfriends could come out because of other obligations. And he was there trying to make everyone happy. Well hate to be the selfish one but I thought he was going out on a date with me ya know? He was getting beers for his buddies and helping his cousin with his relationship issues. WHATEVER! I don't know I just know that if i did get in a relationship with him things would have to change and I would always look like the bad guy. I just want a guy who wants to be with me and yes I want him to have friend time too but when we make a date i want him to be here in the moment with me!

Maybe something is wrong with me. Maybe i'm not "marriage material" and such a control freak that I have to have everything my way. I don't see it as that but maybe others do. But this is why I think nice guys finish last because they want to please everyone and make sure everyone is happy. That can lead to resentment on my end and that seems to ruin my relationships. I just would like to be put as #1 in someone's life. Guess that's too much to ask :(...

Three year olds and Cinderella slippers...

Well since I hadn't talked to my sister, Cheri, in about 2 weeks I figured I would give her a call to see how the kiddos were doing. I miss them so much and I've only seen little Eli once so May can't come soon enough... Anyway, I was talking to Cheri and I could hear in the background that Nila wanted to tell me something. So she put her on the phone and she was talking all about how she was looking for the Cinderella slipper in the backseat of her Cheri's car. I had asked her if she had found it and she gave me a matter of factly "No" and I could totally hear my sister's attitude as a little girl in Nila's voice. It was freaky lol... Anyway, after we talked about that then Nila asked me over for dinner. I told her I would have to take a raincheck because I live far far away. She said you don't live THAT far... LOL She's so cute and I just love her to pieces.... I have had such a bad last couple of work days that a 5 minute conversation with my niece just made my week! Oh and what melted my heart the most was that when Cheri got back on the phone she told me that she hadn't wanted to talk to anyone but me this week.... I love my niece!

At a crossroads job wise....

Ok so this week was not a great week for me jobwise... My boss was being a bit more crabbier than usual and I'm just frustrated because I'm still a temp with a temp agency and I've been working at the same place for almost two years now. So I got up the nerve to ask the big boss on Friday if he thought there would ever be a chance that I could get hired on as a permanent position here with the City of Topeka. He told me he has been trying to find somewhere where I could be hired on but there's alot of union mess that is involved and even if they were to open a job for my position it would have to go through the union first... It's just very frustrating because I've been a hard worker and I've been with this company for two years now. I mean do I risk it all to go somewhere else or do I stick it out and wait to see if something becomes available? I don't know what to do and even if I go on interviews for other jobs I would have to take off time at the job i'm at and lose money doing it.

I mean I guess I could get a part time job somewhere and see where it leads but most of the part time jobs in my field are daytime jobs and I already have a daytime job.... LOL And between all this I'm still wanting a family and a home life and everything else. It can get stressful at times but I'm working my way through it. My friends and family are helping me along the way and hopefully the problems I have with my boss will be resolved shortly. We shall see...

On the good side... After Monday hopefully we'll be getting some warmer weather coming our way... Supposed to be in the 50's and 60's starting on Tuesday I believe so I'm very happy about that. And I know it will take a little time to figure out what I'm going to do with my life but sometimes I just wish it would fall into my lap so I wouldn't have to work so hard for something. God has been pretty good to me so far so hopefully He will help guide the path I need to lead! Happy Sunday everyone!

I am not as young as I used to be! LOL

Ok so after this very fun filled weekend I had I feel like I've been run over by an 18 wheeler... LOL Friday night was fun.. Went out with my friend Anitra to the Wild Horse... (our usual friday night hangout) and hung out with a guy named Dustin who was super nice. We thought it was going to be a drag at first because no one was there but finally started filling up around 10:30.... Needless to say I didn't get home til around 3am... I knew we were going to KC the next day so I went straight to bed...

Saturday was ROAD TRIP with my girls, Tera and Anitra! We went to Kansas City and got lost for a little bit but then found our hotel. We were going because Anitra's best friend's husband was having a birthday party and she invited Tera and I to come along. The only highlight of the trip was our waiter at Dave & Busters, Chase... He was sweet. Unlike her friend Mindy's inlaws, who made us feel like the 5th wheel... But whatever... the waiting time for Dave & Busters was over 2 hours so Tera, Anitra, and I grabbed a table on the game room side which was first come first serve because we were really hungry. Well the other guests of the party didn't like that at all so when we finally did all get a table (after the 3 of us had eaten already) there weren't any seats for us. Well we had had enough by that point and even though the hotel room was paid for we left and headed back to Topeka around 9:30pm because we knew we would have more fun there. So we get back and go to the Wild Horse where we see some friendly faces. The girls start drinking, and I had a couple too, then we started dancing. Nothing takes away anger like some good friends and DANCING!!!

We went to Denny's after that, as we always do, to sober up the drunk ones a little bit, and we even got a guy to come over and sit with us that was sitting by ourselves.... Then a bunch of us went back to Tera's house where we watched wedding crashers and didn't go to bed til around 5am...

Sunday was such a beautiful day out but i never saw it.... I ended up sleeping at Tera's off and on til 7pm... And I'm just now recovering from the whole weekend. I think i'm trying to make up for all the lost party days I missed in my youth. I wouldn't trade it for the world though!!! Ready for next weekend! LOL

It's Party Time!

Ok I can seriously say I've had the best 5 days that I've had in a very long time. Between the karaoke and all the dancing I have to say it was amazing. And something happen that has never happened before in my life... A guy totally just walked up to me and started dancing... I thought he was wanting to dance with Tera (my friend in the picture) but he totally wanted to dance with ME! Now I know for most people that is no big deal but it is for me and I'm so happy someone showed at least a little interest in me. It's nice to be appreciated for my beauty every once in a while... I never felt beautiful in high school...But slowly I'm gaining confidence!

Some people say that partying at my age is just not good. That it makes me look desperate or whatever. Well i'm just doing what they did in their 20's (and most people think I'm in my 20's anyway LOL) and I say if they don't like it then screw them. I love going out and dancing and i may have a drink or two but I never get drunk enough where I don't know what's going on around me. Dancing, well besides blogging, is my outlet to let loose and just have a good time.

Wednesday and Thursday nights we went singing karaoke and it was so much fun! I have found a new song that I fell in love with but I won't discuss that on here... LOL The only thing missing from this weekend was my friend Anitra who had a couple of kids at home sick with strep... Next week we are partying it up in Kansas City and I can't wait for that!

Birthdays and exes...

Ok so I'm invited to my friend's 40th birthday party friday after next. I really want to see her and my other friends who i haven't seen in forever but am nervous because I think my ex fiance and his new girlfriend will be there... In a way i want to invite a guy to show that I've moved on as well... but why should i??? I don't NEED a man to complete me or to make me happy. I've asked a couple of girlfriends to come with me so that I'm not going alone. I figured I would visit with the birthday girl and hang out for a bit and then leave... I don't know why I'm nervous. I guess I just don't want any drama. I'm sure my ex will want to come talk to me but I don't really have anything to say to him anymore. I won't be rude of course but I'll be short with him that is if he even shows up. I don't know why I'm so anxious I just am I guess.. I'm completely over him and am finally loving my life. It's been almost a year since we broke up and I'm happy he's moved on. I just miss his son alot and wonder what is going on with him. I just hope him and his girlfriend are happy. And I don't want to say that I don't want to go because he'll be there. I'm just at a loss I guess. I'm unsure of what to do. So we shall see what happens!

Taxes are done! Bring on the refund!

Ok so I got my taxes done recently and still waiting for the check in the mail and I always think it's going to be a simple process... I was going to do the Turbotax online thing but chickened out at the last minute because a few years ago i tried to do it online and it messed my taxes up big time... So tax preparer is marked off my list as future ambitions lol...

Anyway, so last year I used one of the H&R block branches here in Topeka and first of all they typed my SSN# wrong so i had to get another W-2 and I didn't like the guy who did my return because he was older and he was messing everything up. This year I set up an appt. ahead of time and the lady was super nice! I'm confident that my taxes were done properly this year and they were cheaper too since i used the 1040EZ my federal was free woohoo!!

I remember when I was with my ex-fiance he wanted me to have a child because 1) I and the baby could get state assistance because he was unemployed and I didn't make alot of money... and 2) Because we could get a nice big fat check every year from the IRS... WHAT A TURNOFF! I guess I should've known then that he wasn't the one for me. I mean I'm sure lower class families may think that's a good idea but why bring a child into the world if you can't support it yourself? I hope that someday I have the privilege of having a child of my own when I'm more financially stable and have a husband with a job. If not at least I have a niece and nephew to dote on from time to time plus all my friends' kids :)....

I guess I just set my standards to high. I mean I go to websites like plentyoffish and tell prospective dates that I want a guy WITH A JOB! I know that's harder to find these days but I think that if a woman should not have to support a man financially (this is only MY opinion so hold it against me if you want :P) especially in a relationship where they live together. It should be 50/50 in my opinion or the man should go make the money and the woman stay home to take care of the kids because child care is CRAZY nowadays. I know I'm super old-fashioned in my beliefs and that could be why I'm still single. I like doors opened for me (which the ex rarely did), i would like for him to pay for our dates (which he never did). I don't know... I guess I'm crazy.... I spoil the person I choose to be with and they like to take advantage.... So maybe I should just quit being so nice! Ugh! Sorry for the rambling I've just been thinking about love and being in love lately with all the Valentine's hoopla going on. Another Valentine's Day without a valentine... Sigh... Oh well C'est la vie!