Its the weekend!

Well it's the weekend!!!! I'm keeping it low key this weekend and just taking time for meditation and trying to see what God has planned for me in the coming year. I'm at a crossroads with my job at the moment. I really want to see if I can get a city job (since I'm just a temp at the moment) or if in the spring I need to move on to other ventures. I for the most part love where I work but always feel like I'm the "expendable" one and even though I've worked there almost 2 years now that's pretty much true. I have learned that my ex has moved on to someone else which is good because he seems to need someone in his life to help show him direction... This winter I've been missing his son like crazy... I loved me some Justin time and would love to just go out just me and him and play in the snow or something but I know that would make me have to interact with his dad and I'm just not in that place where I can do that right now. I know Justin probably thinks I abandoned him and that just breaks my heart but your heart wants what it wants and James's heart just didn't want me anymore and I'm finally in a place where I'm ok with that.

I'm at a place in my life where I wish I could afford to have a child of my own and if I can get a better career I would love to be a foster parent at some point. Children are blessings from God and I'm blessed that I have friends and family that have small children who I adore! I don't know I guess I just thought I would always be a soccer mom because I am good with keeping a schedule, for the most part, and think I would make a good mom at some point. But I'll be 34 this year and not sure if I want to have a baby this late in my life... Which makes me a little sad but I'm beginning to be ok with it. I'm hoping to find a church in the next few months where I can be a helper in the children's ministries there. I have a longing to be around children because they are so innocent and do not know alot of the bad things of this world. Although some children aren't so lucky. I just feel like it's my time to make a difference in this world and I just have to get the motivation to do it!

I really like being able to get all my feelings out here and just sharing with my blog friends makes me feel so much better!