Movies and reflection

I've done alot of reflection these last few months as you can probably tell from me starting to blog and all... All this ME time I've been having has let me figure out what I want out of life. It's coming up on a year that I've lived on my own and only concentrated on me. I finally feel like I'm in a good place and decided to have a redbox chick flick night... That ended up going into this morning... How Do you Know? with Reese Witherspoon Owen Wilson and Paul Rudd and it was amazing.... Where the geeky guy gets the hot girl... I have always loved when the underdog wins, because I've always been the underdog... LOL Anyway the second movie was Morning Glory and that movie was awesome as well... I love movies with strong female characters!! Anyway, there was this song from Morning Glory called Strip Me by Natasha Bedingfield which I found so empowering... Especially the chorus...

 

Take what you want
Steal my pride
Build me up
Or cut me down to size
Shut me out
But I'll just scream
Im only one voice in a million
but you aint taking that from me
Oh oh no you aint taking that from me 

 

I felt like this encompassed my whole year this year... I was always trying to make James happy and let him take whatever he wanted from me... because I loved him and I thought that was what people did when they loved someone. Now that I've actually been on my own for a year now I know that I deserve better. I deserve to be heard! Just because I don't have children doesn't mean I don't have a say what goes on in my life. I've seen some of my friends in relationships that have no children but who's significant others have children involve so much of themselves in the children's lives and that they lose themselves. I don't say anything because I have been there... I wanted to take on the mom role because I felt that the child's mom was not a good parent... But I lost so much of myself by doing that. Me wanting children of my own so badly and being able to be a mother figure in the child's life I got a little carried away and James would let me so he wouldn't have to deal with it. I know I keep bringing him up but I feel like if I get these feelings out then I won't have to deal with them anymore and I can keep going in the right direction ya know? 

On another note these next few weeks is what I call the birthday weeks... My dad's was Friday, my sister's is April 3rd and then my sister's stepson's is April 8th... They are all so grouped together lol.... Mine is just around the corner in July and I can't believe I'll be 34! My dad was just telling me Friday that he signed up for Social Security and that made ME feel old that I actually have a dad that's retired and collecting social security. I just have alot on my mind and it's just all over the place but I'm glad I can put my thoughts on this blog and have people like you reading it :) Makes me feel better! Have a blessed week!